Doa Adik Junior dan Anak Murid

Masa sekolah menengah dulu aku ada seorang adik angkat. Zahida kalau tak silap nama dia. Aku tingkatan 5, dia tingkatan 1. Pada penghujung tahun 2007, aku bakal menduduki SPM, manakala bebudak lain dah selesai peperiksaan akhir tahun dan mula berkemas untuk cuti sekolah yang panjang. Sebelum diorang balik, Zahida datang dorm aku dan bagi hadiah. Ada kad ucapan yang berbunyi lebih kurang begini:

"Selamat menjawab SPM kepada Kak Sakinah. Saya doakan Kak Sakinah dapat keputusan yang cemerlang dan dapat melanjutkan pelajaran ke luar negara."

Aku senyum membaca ayat pertama dan ketawa berdekah-dekah membaca ayat kedua. Haha. Sebabnya, masa SPM dulu, aku kategori atas pagar. Subjek teras memang lingkup, subjek elektif cukup makan. Walaupun sekolah asrama penuh, dikelilingi bebudak pandai. Aku sederhana sahaja, boleh kata, sederhana kelas bawah. So sangatlah mustahil untuk aku dapat sambung belajar ke luar negara kan. Memang tak pernah terlintas langsung di fikiran. Aku ni, entah masuk universiti pun layak ke tidak tak tahu lah. Target aku hanya nak masuk Kolej Matrikulasi ataupu Maktab Perguruan.
 Namun aku sangat bersyukur dan berterima kasih kepada Zahida kerana sudi memberi hadiah, dan mendoakan aku. Terharu rasanya.....

Setahun berlalu, aku ditawarkan melanjutkan pelajaran ke Beijing, China, dengan biasiswa penuh Kementerian Pelajaran Malaysia. Allah...... Allah....... Allah........ Nikmat manakah lagi yang harus aku dustakan. Serta merta aku teringat akan doa dan ucapan yang diberi oleh Zahida. Masa tu dah lost contact, takda nombor telefon mahupun email. Aku nak ucap terima kasih kerana mendoakan aku. Walaupun masa tu aku macam rasa... eh tak mungkinlah. Tapi kuasa Allah melebihi segalanya. Mungkin kerana doa adik angkatku itu, Allah memberi rezeki padaku. Sungguh rasa kerdil sangat. Dengan keputusan 6A3B sahaja, bukannya 9A, bukannya 10A pun.... Rata-rata yang mengenaliku tahu bahawa Sakinah ini hanyalah sederhana sahaja. Namun aku sangat terpesona dengan kuasa Allah. Dia memberi rezeki terbaik. Syukur Alhamdulillah.

Sekarang pula tahun 2017. Sepuluh tahun berlalu. Aku dah pun balik ke Malaysia dan mula bertugas. Aku mendapat posting di Bidor, Perak. Jauh dari keluarga dan suami serta anak kecilku. Ogos 2016 aku lapor diri. November 2016 aku mohon pertukaran melalui sistem egtukar. Keluar keputusan bulan Disember, gagal. Aku akur dah faham kerana aku baru sahaja bertugas. Tak mungkin mereka meluluskan. Namun aku hanya mencuba. Awal tahun 2017 bermulalah cabaran sebenar. Aku membawa anak kecil ke sini, hidup berdua jauh dari suami. Terlalu banyak cabaran yang aku tempuh. Mungkin kerana jiwa belum cukup kuat, kelemahanku sendiri.... Maka sekali lagi aku mohon pertukaran melalui egtukar pada Mac 2017.

Mei 2017, keputusan bakal keluar. Aku sengaja bergurau dengan anak muridku. "Korang doakan cikgu dapat tukar tau." Mereka terus protes cakap taknak, taknak.... Nanti siapa nak ajar kami PJ, kami suka cikgu. Okay, aku senyum sahaja. Aku fikir, doa anak-anak kecil ni mesti Allah makbul. Sebab diorang suci tanpa dosa. Kerana aku terlalu desperate untuk pindah, semua orang yang aku kenal, aku minta jasa baik mereka doakanku. Umi, abah, suami, adik-adikku, saudara mara, juniorku yang pergi umrah, semua lah. Tak putus-putus aku suruh diorang doa. Sampai lah ada suatu hari, sebelum cuti pertengahan tahun, ada seorang murid datang kepadaku, "Cikgu, saya doakan cikgu dapat tukar."

Masa tu dah pukul 12.00 tengahari, semua guru dan murid dah berkemas nak balik. Cuti panjang 2 minggu. Tetiba murid tu, nama dia Shaheena, datang kepadaku dan cakap dia doakan aku. Aku terpana, dan senyum. Dia pun senyum. Aku ucapkan terima kasih dan selamat bercuti. Dalam hati aku tak fikir apa-apa. Sebab tak mahu terlalu berharap nanti kecewa.

3 Jun, semasa dalam cuti sekolah, PERMOHONAN AKU DILULUSKAN. YA ALLAH........ YA ALLAH...... YA ALLAH............... Sekali lagi kau makbulkan doa kami. Sekali lagi aku terpana dengan kekuasaanMu YaAllah.... Terus aku teringat doa anak muridku itu. Dan doa ahli keluarga serta sahabat.

Sebabnya, pertukaran guru merupakan proses yang paling rumit dan peratus kelulusan adalah sangattttt rendah, Terutamanya kepada guru yang setahun jagung macam aku ni. Semua orang cakap mustahil, mesti kena tunggu 3 tahun dulu baru lulus tukar. Aku redha, aku dah tak kisah pun. Tapi apabila Allah menunjukkan kuasaNya, sekali lagi aku terduduk! Syukur padaMu Ya Allah... Walaupun aku ini hamba yang penuh dosa, namun masih sudi Allah berikan nikmat sebesar ini.

Lalu aku terfikir, dua peristiwa besar ini dalam hidupku..... Mungkinkah kerana doa mereka? Sudah pasti! Doa mereka yang awal2 aku anggap, eh tak mungkinlah.. Doa itu yang Allah makbul. Doa ibuku yang menangis di tikar sejadah. Doa suamiku yang tak putus-putus. Doa ahli keluarga dan sahabat-sahabat. Maka aku sangat berasa rendah diri....... Kerana doa kalian, aku mendapat nikmat.

Oleh itu, aku juga mendoakan kebaikan yang sama malah lebih lagi untuk kalian. Ya Allah, berkatilah mereka, murahkanlah rezeki mereka! Terima kasih Allah atas nikmat Mu yang melimpah ruah pada kami. Allahuakbar~~~

My 2017 Journey Begins

So wow. After like half of the year passed, only now I got time to blog. For the first time in 2017. Where did my luxury of free time went? Hahah. Following stories of my blog, I sure missed a lot of them here.

2017 begins painfully for me. I have to leave my baby at mom's, leave my husband, and went to Bidor for work. I officially started working on January. Because last year it was only for two weeks, then I gave birth to my precious Raihana. So earlier this year was my very first journey of my career as an educator. I should be well prepared, I should be excited for a brand new year. But it wasn't go that way because well, this distance makes me weak. I kept thinking about my baby and husband. While at the same time, this job became more demanding, requires me to catch up everything as fast as I can. Which I didn't manage to do it well. I think. Perfection is far away from me. Im a slow learner, have to admit. I am indeed a very slow learner. So this job, this new surrounding took me quite a while to adjust. I did tried my best anyway. I have to as I am obliged to it. It is my responsibility to get to know my job scope, remembering students name and background,dig deeper into Malaysia's education system and embrace them whole-heartedly. I didn't dare to say those 3 words yet. The "i love my job". I still have a lotttt and moreee to go, to experience and to build. Until then, I wonder when will be the time I would say that word. Nevertheless, I like my job. I tried my very best to fulfil what needs to be done, I am adjusting well I think. I accept challenges to build a stronger version of myself, I accept criticism to enhance my performance, I thirst for knowledge because I am a teacher, I should have a wide range of knowledge only then I can pour them to my students. Work has been nice to me. Of course they were dramas and troubles that I have been through this five long months which seems like forever. I couldn't run. I had to face them. I learnt my lesson. Especially about people around me. One thing for sure, people don't care if youre dying or what, as long as they don't have to do extra work. I mean, as a team, we should work together and have this thing called tolerance. If I can tolerate, I cannot expect people to do the same. I have to settle everything on my own. I have to do other people's job, I don't mind actually because I am eager to learn. But communication is the point. If you asked nicely, people should be okay and willing to help. Whatever, I will not let these rotten people ruin my day. All I know is, I do my job. I asked permissions, and I opted for discussions. If I ever did wrong, I apologize and changed. So far, everyone has been nice to me. My jobs are done on time. I am thankful for that.

2017 also challenged myself as a mother. New mother I mean. I am sad because I always feels like I am not enough for my baby. We are always on the go. Prepping her and myself took me hours. Sometimes I get very tired as I have to prepare everything alone. After decided to take her with me here in Bidor, I settled for a babysitter. Alhamdulillah she is very nice and helpful. As the days passed, I discovered so much new things about my baby. Raihana is an adorable child. She smile all the time, she grows healthy alhamdulillah, she always make me happy. I wanted to do so much things together with her but I got tired easily. With work, with my still recovering post partum body, with my emotion... I don't know. Some days I feel so worthless. But I get up quickly to meet my child's need. I also discover one new thing about myself that I actually can do this alone. I actually can manage this. All I need is a whole lot of motivation. Shouldn't go far, just look into her blinked watery eyes, it was enough. I have to be strong, for her. For myself, because a happy mom makes a happy child. Everyday I read articles on parenting page, mommy facebook page, pregnancy, todllers and things related to motherhood. They gave me motivations. Sometimes it's good to know that you're not alone in this. Everybody else also has their own battles. Reading their stories makes me stronger and grateful. Moms unite :) Alhamdulillah Raihana is a blessing from Allah to me and husband. We have to do our best to take care of her. All I hope is she can recite prayer to us when we died. So we still have blessings coming into our grave. InsyaAllah.

It's all about distance. My mind has been disturbed with this problem. I'm afraid I failed as a wife. I talked to my husband. He said it's okay, I have him. Somehow I realized that this long distance relationship makes us stronger. We trust each other, we helped each other, we are willing to sacrifice, we tolerate and dance in this problem together. Those little time during weekends and holidays are solely for us. Ldr make us appreciate each other even more. I love him. Seeing him tries his best for our little family makes my heart warm. So I wanted to do the same, I wanted to do more... I always pray may God unite us again in this world and hereafter.

I didn't know what God has planned for me ahead but I believe it will be the best. Just put your trust in Him. Till next time.