My 2017 Journey Begins

So wow. After like half of the year passed, only now I got time to blog. For the first time in 2017. Where did my luxury of free time went? Hahah. Following stories of my blog, I sure missed a lot of them here.

2017 begins painfully for me. I have to leave my baby at mom's, leave my husband, and went to Bidor for work. I officially started working on January. Because last year it was only for two weeks, then I gave birth to my precious Raihana. So earlier this year was my very first journey of my career as an educator. I should be well prepared, I should be excited for a brand new year. But it wasn't go that way because well, this distance makes me weak. I kept thinking about my baby and husband. While at the same time, this job became more demanding, requires me to catch up everything as fast as I can. Which I didn't manage to do it well. I think. Perfection is far away from me. Im a slow learner, have to admit. I am indeed a very slow learner. So this job, this new surrounding took me quite a while to adjust. I did tried my best anyway. I have to as I am obliged to it. It is my responsibility to get to know my job scope, remembering students name and background,dig deeper into Malaysia's education system and embrace them whole-heartedly. I didn't dare to say those 3 words yet. The "i love my job". I still have a lotttt and moreee to go, to experience and to build. Until then, I wonder when will be the time I would say that word. Nevertheless, I like my job. I tried my very best to fulfil what needs to be done, I am adjusting well I think. I accept challenges to build a stronger version of myself, I accept criticism to enhance my performance, I thirst for knowledge because I am a teacher, I should have a wide range of knowledge only then I can pour them to my students. Work has been nice to me. Of course they were dramas and troubles that I have been through this five long months which seems like forever. I couldn't run. I had to face them. I learnt my lesson. Especially about people around me. One thing for sure, people don't care if youre dying or what, as long as they don't have to do extra work. I mean, as a team, we should work together and have this thing called tolerance. If I can tolerate, I cannot expect people to do the same. I have to settle everything on my own. I have to do other people's job, I don't mind actually because I am eager to learn. But communication is the point. If you asked nicely, people should be okay and willing to help. Whatever, I will not let these rotten people ruin my day. All I know is, I do my job. I asked permissions, and I opted for discussions. If I ever did wrong, I apologize and changed. So far, everyone has been nice to me. My jobs are done on time. I am thankful for that.

2017 also challenged myself as a mother. New mother I mean. I am sad because I always feels like I am not enough for my baby. We are always on the go. Prepping her and myself took me hours. Sometimes I get very tired as I have to prepare everything alone. After decided to take her with me here in Bidor, I settled for a babysitter. Alhamdulillah she is very nice and helpful. As the days passed, I discovered so much new things about my baby. Raihana is an adorable child. She smile all the time, she grows healthy alhamdulillah, she always make me happy. I wanted to do so much things together with her but I got tired easily. With work, with my still recovering post partum body, with my emotion... I don't know. Some days I feel so worthless. But I get up quickly to meet my child's need. I also discover one new thing about myself that I actually can do this alone. I actually can manage this. All I need is a whole lot of motivation. Shouldn't go far, just look into her blinked watery eyes, it was enough. I have to be strong, for her. For myself, because a happy mom makes a happy child. Everyday I read articles on parenting page, mommy facebook page, pregnancy, todllers and things related to motherhood. They gave me motivations. Sometimes it's good to know that you're not alone in this. Everybody else also has their own battles. Reading their stories makes me stronger and grateful. Moms unite :) Alhamdulillah Raihana is a blessing from Allah to me and husband. We have to do our best to take care of her. All I hope is she can recite prayer to us when we died. So we still have blessings coming into our grave. InsyaAllah.

It's all about distance. My mind has been disturbed with this problem. I'm afraid I failed as a wife. I talked to my husband. He said it's okay, I have him. Somehow I realized that this long distance relationship makes us stronger. We trust each other, we helped each other, we are willing to sacrifice, we tolerate and dance in this problem together. Those little time during weekends and holidays are solely for us. Ldr make us appreciate each other even more. I love him. Seeing him tries his best for our little family makes my heart warm. So I wanted to do the same, I wanted to do more... I always pray may God unite us again in this world and hereafter.

I didn't know what God has planned for me ahead but I believe it will be the best. Just put your trust in Him. Till next time.